An Inspector's "Squiffy" Balls...

Well here I am, 16 years old already.  I was thinking about the changes one acknowledges when they turn 16, such as being able to work and join gyms etc.  It's actually quite a "big" birthday in a way then.  Today I went into London and had a great time walking around Chelsea and Knightsbridge where I bought a suit and some shirts.  I seemed to have acquired a designer wardrobe.  The weather was lovely too, which helped raise morale.  My profile picture shows me standing next to a gorgeous Lamborghini.  It is a nice picture, but I so wish that it was mine.  Now that is a car with real presence.  You could even call it art, if you were Jeremy Clarkson anyway.  


The pomp and pageantry of the royal wedding was shown yesterday.  The nation and indeed much of the planet saw Prince William marry the beautiful Kate Middleton.  I said to myself beforehand: "Michael, don't watch it!"  Inevitably though, I did.  If anything, I got to see Kate Middleton and her sister gracing Westminster ;)  What did you think of the occasion?  Is this a step forward for the monarchy?  Anyway, women all over the country are pining for Prince Harry now.  He is a good looking lad I suppose, and he's ginger.  Some party poopers have blamed the BBC for being obsequious and forning though.


The world of sport is all go at the moment.  Chelsea beat Tottenham today, in what will be an important three points for them.  In snooker, the young Judd Trump beat Ding in the semi final of the World Championships.  I enjoy watching snooker, I find it relaxing.  Wycombe Wanderers won today which I am really pleased about.  This could see them gain promotion to League 1 then.  Ben Strevens you beast!  Finally ending your goal drought.  


I heard this amusing Limerick recently, so see what you think:

There was a young gigolo named Bruno

Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.

While women are fine,

And sheep are divine,

Llama's are numero uno!"

I hope you all have a lovely Sunday and bank holiday Monday.  Chill out (unless you have exams that is).

Love from Goobs.   

             

Easter Bunny > Playboy Bunny...

Happy Easter everyone!  It seems that the man upstairs has blessed us with lovely weather to mark the occasion.  So how is your Easter going?  Good I hope.  I spent it with my family which is right I think.  So, at least at Easter, the Easter bunny is more significant than playboy bunnies.  However, Hugh Hefner might not agree.  As we are not children any more, I suppose we lose the excitable feeling on Easter of receiving many chocolate eggs.  Then come activities like Easter egg hunts etc.  It's a fun time for children then.  I hope to enjoy today and tomorrow relaxing and then go back for Wednesday and Thursday for a two day week in school.

There have been some significant sporting fixtures recently too.  For Arsenal fans, yesterday ended their title winning hopes.  Bolton beat them 2-1.  I feel that Arsenal certainly have the talent, but they are just inconsistent.  Still, Chelsea are still in the title race with six points behind Man Utd after beating West Ham 3-0.  A late Javier Hernandez goal saw Man Utd secure a vital three points at Everton.  I feel Man Utd should just win it still.  Speaking of Man Utd, yesterday there was a remarkable film about the Busby Babes which was poignant and moving - very good though (called "United").  I feel that as a result of the disastrous plane crash in Munich, 1958, the Man Utd fan base support grew and grew.  It was a tragedy, but still, Man Utd are a great team today. The snooker is on, and well, some of it has been quite entertaining, whilst other matches have been like watching paint dry.  That's enough on sport I think.  I am keen not to offend Arsenal fans.  Anyway, with a royal wedding this Friday, what will you be doing?  Watching it?  I probably won't.  I could end up revising that day at this rate.

Here's a joke I heard recently.
What did Nicole Scherzinger say when she was leaving a glamour model agency?
"If you think I'm coming back, don't hold your bre-easts!"
It made me laugh the first time I heard it.

In the movie Kalifornia, Brad Pitt, out of the blue starting singing this amusing rhyme:
Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble too and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder, like a continental soldier?
Do your balls. Hang. Low?

Funny eh?  It's a lovely morning out, so get out and enjoy it.  Enjoy what's left of your holiday and bear in mind the two days off we have soon.

Love from Pricey.

Blog the Builder...

The surprisingly good weather we have had this April is set to continue - well at least for this week into the Easter weekend.  Usually one associates April with showers, but we have had very little rainfall this year really.  To take advantage of this weather, I decided to go to Wendover Woods today.  It's a lovely forest which has the highest point of the Chiltern Hills.  It's almost like being up a mountain, where there are spectacular views.  I would recommend going if you get the chance.  It makes a nice change to revising anyway.  It's pleasant just relaxing in a restaurant in the sunshine.  I hope the weather remains like this for my birthday next week. 


The World Champion Snooker season has begun.  I quite like watching snooker, and I realise that sometimes it's incredibly boring.  My favourite player is Ronnie O'Sullivan.  Away from the snooker - in football it seems likely that Manchester United will win the Premier League then.  Still, do you feel that football players are ridiculously over-payed for kicking a ball around every week?  Munster continue to succeed in the rugby too.  Elsewhere in TV, EastEnders have finally concluded the baby swap storyline.  They were playing on that for about four months.  I was watching Hollyoaks today for the first time in several years and it seems not much has changed.  Warren is still the don or the "Phil Mitchell" of Cheshire.


There isn't much else to mention at the moment, so I will leave with a limerick.


There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who protested she lacked sexual feeling,
til a cynic named Boris,
Licked her Clitoris,
And left her legless and squealing.


Sorry people, that is a rude one but it mentions Ealing which is where I spent some of my childhood so I used it.  Have a grand week everyone.


Love from Pricey.

                

David N'Blog and Mario Spaghetti walking a Bullblog...

Now that Liverpool have purchased Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, there will be few opportunities for David N'gog to play for Liverpool up front.  He will become good friends with the substitute bench then, where he should find Mario Balotelli sitting there.  I feel that since Mario has joined Man City, he has not shown his ability.  They both will have time to walk their dogs then (hypothetical situation relating to the blog title).  I am also a little annoyed with City because they beat Man Utd today in the FA Cup.  Oh well, every cloud and all that.  At least Wycombe didn't lose - they drew which is better than nothing.  I really hope they get promoted.  


I have produced a revision schedule that is being implemented this Easter.  In between this revision during my free time, I have watched a few very good movies lately.  Yesterday I watched "Pulp Fiction" which must be a classic.  If you haven't seen it, watch it.  Directed by Quinton Tarantino; the cast is star studded and it just works.  It has Uma Therman in it and Jeremy Clarkson gave her a good description once: "... perfect but you can't explain why."  Another good film is "Taken" with Liam Neeson.  It is very gripping and quite tense - it makes a good thriller.  I have been making an effort with the revision though, especially now, when my exams start in one months time.  I will try to remain cool, calm and collected though (tri-colon).  For Christians, tomorrow is passion/palm Sunday.  The readings in the coming week will help with our RE exam actually - Jesus' suffering, death and resurrection.             


Now to my limerick and joke.  People of my age still find flatulence quite funny.  So here is a joke and limerick about farting.  


There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"


Girl: "Urghh, why did you fart on my face?
Boy: "Don't worry, that's just my bum giving you a kiss."


Have a nice Easter everyone,


Love from Goober.

Inglorious Blogsterds...

Today I realised what a dump Uxbridge is really.  I cycled there and chained up my bike, but didn't really feel content leaving it because it's quite a "rough" area.  Nothing happened to it - it's just psychology.  Anyway, there is nothing to do there so I wasted my time.  I don't really know what to do with myself at the moment, apart form revising.  Any suggestions?  Oh and no, Jennifer Metcalfe couldn't tutor me, she is too busy ;)

I was thinking today about when EastEnders used to be good.  Like with most TV, it's most interesting when there is a threatening villain keeping everyone on their toes.  Characters such as "Dirty Den," "Nick Cotton" and the Mitchell brothers fit this role well.  However as of late, the program has worsened.  They play on one particular storyline for ages.  Now to reality.  Tottenham were destroyed by Real Madrid yesterday, where their goalkeeper, Gomes let in a sloppy goal.  I felt a little sorry for them in some respects.  I am pleased that Wycombe Wanderers are in third place of league 2 though.  I hope they will be promoted.    

Now I will share a limerick and a joke with you.  

There once was a man from East Kent 

Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double 

And instead of coming...he went        

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
Because his pecker is on his head!

Love from Goobs.  

Sex, Blogs and Rock and Roll...

Well, I have finally broken up for Easter.  After a long 14 week spring term, I think we all deserve a break.  Today was a pretty random sort of day.  I didn't really know what to do with myself.  In the end I went out cycling despite not really being in the mood.  When cycling, I wear this fluorescent jacket which says "MLP construction Ltd" on the back.  I find it quite funny because I can pretend I am a builder, or even funnier, say that the company name is an abbreviation of Michael Lawrence Price construction.  My middle name is not Lawrence though.  I felt I would spend the first day of the holidays to myself, and the rest revising unfortunately.  What a depressing prospect.  If only I had a sexy tutor to help me revise because it's hard to get motivated to do some work.

With the royal wedding soon approaching, newspapers tend to include articles about the couple.  The prince has done quite well for himself I suppose, bagging someone fit like her.  However, he won't be able to do anything outrageous with her being in the royal family; so instead of "sex, drugs and rock and roll," it will be more "chess, rugs and Swiss roll."  Saying that, they have a whole castle to get up to no good ;)  That's enough on them for now.  I will mention Manchester United's victory against Chelsea in the Champions League now.  So: "...the reds go marching on, on, on."  It just shows you that despite the money Chelsea have spent (ehem TORRES), it's the actual way the team plays together that matters.  It seems much less likely that Spurs will progress though, considering their heavy defeat to Madrid last time.

The news includes depressing stories such as inflation being 4% and the like.  So being the light hearted blog this is, I will give you a joke and a limerick to cheer you up.  It won't do your wallets a favour though.

Boy: Do you like parties?
Girl: Yes, why?
Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

(bad joke, I know)

There once was a man from Fort Myers,
who wrapped his balls up in wire,
he flicked on the switch,
and oh what a bitch,
his balls began to catch fire.

Written by Goober for the Blog Express.  

      

Kellblog's Cornflakes, Yule Blog and Egg Blog...

As you can see, I am finding it hard to create blog puns now.  I have used up most of the best ones, so now I am trying my best to find new ones, but it's not easy.  Today was a nice day (despite being in school) because we got to come in our own sports wear, which is comfortable of course.  The reason being because we had to participate in "Lenten sports" for charity.  At least the weather was nice then.  On the contrary, I was told by a member of staff today that the only days to have "off" this Easter are Good Friday and Easter Sunday due to revision.  Like that's going to happen ;)  I should do that though.  This part of the blog is very much focused on school life.  If your not a member of my school than it may be irrelevant, but read on.

I was asked by a girl what "my favourite hair type was on a girl."  Eager not to offend her (as she was a brunette) and be diplomatic, I said I like all three colours: blonde, brown and red.  However I have noticed that red headed girls are generally attractive, possibly because you don't see too many around.  I don't have a favourite type in truth.  She then asked about chat up lines, and I said they are a bit cheesy.  However, one I heard recently is quite amusing: "Is that a ladder on your tights love?  Because it looks like a stairway to heaven."  When asked these probing questions, I don't know what the "right" answers are really.  Clearly, because I never saw her again.

Now I am going to give you a joke and a limerick for the day because some people said it's a good idea.  Don't worry, I won't make it to regular, but it's a novelty at the moment.


Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.


There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass


Laughing out loud?  If not, you don't have to read any more because I am finished.  Have a good week everyone.


Love from Goobs.
            

Blog Marley in a Synablog...

Well wasn't today another nice day?  The sun was out, and I got off my arse and went out walking and cycling.  However, apparently this glorious weather will not last all week - typical England.  Whilst I was out enjoying the day, I felt a little guilty for not giving some people shout outs after they asked me to.  So - Olz Brookling, I have heard you have passed your driving test!  Congratulations!  Were the forms signed in crayon ;) ?  Just joking Olz.  You will drive a nice motor one day, perhaps a Ferrari.  Chico U'chong will become the next greatest rugby player.  One day, he will be the next Ronan O'gara and will be the player winning the points and gaining media attention.  If I haven't mentioned you, then I apologise.  However I need to enforce my shout out rates soon.

I was watching a Top Gear episode quite recently where the guest star was Sienna Miller.  Well Jeremy Clarkson was impressed.  She is rather peng by any standards.  Do you remember seeing her in "Layer Cake" with Daniel Craig?  It's rather provocative.  Speaking of Top Gear, why do Dave play all their old episodes back to back day after day?  The same old episodes.  They can be entertaining though.  A program that somebody told me to watch is "the only way is Essex" which I didn't think I would like, but it's OK.  That aside, I am pleased that Munster are top of the League; and by a comfortable margin.        

As a lot of my family are from Limerick, Ireland; I am going to leave you with an amusing limerick.

                                                  There Once was a Man called Reg

                                                   Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge

                                                             Along came his wife

                                                         With a big Carving Knife

                                                  And cut off his meat and two veg 

I hope everyone enjoys the coming week.

Love from Goobs.

One Man and his Blog...

It's the weekend and it's sunny!  This means that instead of being cooped up inside, most of us go out and enjoy the lovely weather.  Today I was in Marlow, which is a nice "chocolate-box" town along the River Thames.  I feel that it's a fine temperature at the moment.  Anyway, this means that many girls have gone out displaying their legs ;)  In that town though, they all wear Jack Wills and look a bit of a "much-of-a-muchness"  To remain non-sexist, I saw topless men too which is not as appealing though.  Men walk with swagger, ignorant to the fact that their ale guts are wobbling and their hairy chests are on display.  I was mooching around and then I thought - Angelo Costa asked for a shout out yesterday.  I can imagine Angelo being the star of "Top Gun," where he wears sunglasses, rides bikes and flies planes.  He is the sort of cool person who could replace Tom Cruise or Dappy from N-Dubz.  As for me, perhaps I would be more suited to "Top Bun" because I like food and am not good at drama.  As for this blog post title, I was considering: "one man and his blog, went to blow a fellow (female)."  Then I realised, it was a bit too overly-sexual, but amusing.

I am a little bit annoyed that our school continue until next Tuesday before breaking up for the Easter holidays.  Anyway, what is more annoying is that we are forced to participate in primary school sports day type activities on Monday, like the egg and spoon race etc.  That aside, I was listening to Snoop Dog's "sweat" song today, and thought of what a sleaze bag he is.  I find him a little bit creepy, but girls, does he make you sweat?  Is he that attractive?

I am pleased that Man Utd beat Fulham 2-0 today to open up a ten point lead.  However Arsenal have a game in hand, but if they sit on their "Arses" they won't win the Premier League.  I am not too interested in horse racing or gambling, so the Grand National doesn't mean much to me, but it might to you.

I hope you have had a nice weekend so far.

Love from Goobs.      







                

Didier Blogba on Watchblog doing the Bloggy Paddle!!!

I will start by congratulating Man Utd on their victory yesterday against Chelsea.  I must admit that the Ramires foul should have been a penalty, but I'm not moaning.  However the Chelsea faithful have expressed their scorn towards Man Utd fans today.  Gigsy showed his veteran skills on the pitch and he has re-invented himself - even at his age.  He knows how to make the right passes.  Will he qualify for a free bus pass soon though ;) ?  You might call me a gloryhunter which I have to accept.  Rooney scored in spite of all the negative media attention he has had (of which was his own doing).  Anyway, imagine if Didier Drogba had a goal celebration where he rolled around the pitch and did the doggie paddle!  In other news related to me and school - today was quite eventful, especially in French.  Our teacher broke down due to the lack of commitment applied to the oral exams recently.  Even mine wasn't that great; a 25/26 out of 30.  Is a retake necessary?  I did feel sorry for him though.  If you weren't there, this won't make much sense, so I'm sorry.  My form want to raise a staggeringly large amount of money to buy our form tutor a present.  I'm sorry, but £10 per person.  Yeah right.

Recently, I have been listening to U2 for some reason.  I have realised that they are good at what they do.  Their song "Sunday Bloody Sunday" is particularly good.  You could have described today as a "Beautiful Day."  It's been around for ages, I do realise, and people will make the joke about Bono having a boner.  For those of you who used to use limewire, you could use blubster instead which is nearly the same thing.  However you do get random pop ups which are really annoying.  The weekend is very nearly here and so are the Easter holidays.  However, most of the time I will inevitably be revising for the exams.  

Other than the stresses of exams and such like, life is as good as it can be.  Have a nice Easter people.

Love from Flame Head, aka Goobs.    

Power to the Blogsheviks...

I have been requested to do another blog post by Olz Brookling - being the fountain of knowledge he is, I listened to him.  The cushy lad gets two free double periods a week now.  Shout out to Sian Pratley.  Some people told me today that she will become a model one day.  All the best with that.  If you work hard and put your mind to something you'll get there in the end.  Enough about shout outs now.  Peter Cummins recommended a canny way of charging people for a shout out.  Something like 20 pence and then I'll have "mate rates" or discounts.  It could prove to be a lucrative business venture.  After all, my Santander account needs some wonga.  I have finally finished my history coursework which is a relief.  Instead of the Bolsheviks revolting, I can feel a Blogshevik revolution happening.  Still, the exams begin next month which is a little scary as time is flying by.  Year 11 really is a short year after all.  I went to Sainsbury's this morning and received a strange £5 note in change.  It has stamped on it: "love the lord your God" and "God is good" and somebody had written "bollocks" too next to it.  It made me laugh.

This evening sees Spurs take on the mighty Real Madrid.  Spurs do reserve their best form for the Champions League anyway.  I really don't know who will win though.  Wayne Rooney has got himself into trouble again after swearing into a camera during Man Utd's game with West Ham.  Lets hope they don't suspend him for two games because his good form is coming back.  Jata should teach him a lesson in how to be a well mannered and well grounded player.  For me, the sporting world is OK though. Man Utd are top of the premier league, Celtic are top of the SPL and Munster won their last game - Ronan O'gara seems to be the teams talisman.  I know what your going to say, Michael "glory hunter" Price.  Well I have an excuse for being a Munster supporter at least.  Still, what would men do without women?  The fit Elle Liberachi is worth googling anyway ;)  Like what you see?

That's pretty much all I have in my ginger head for now that is worth regurgitating onto my blog.  So enjoy the rest of the week - you only live once remember.

Love from Goobs.

The Underblog who is becoming a Hot Blog!

I want to tell you about a man who collected tax (David Cameron), he kept his accounts in a filofax.  Don't worry I won't continue to rant on about Wayne Dixon.  The level of tax some people pay is absurd though.  Soon my generation will be expressing our displeasure of this when we get jobs.  Anyway on a lighter, more random note - P Diddy, the famous singer is in the chats again.  Perhaps his name is an abbreviation for "Penis Diddy."  I bet he has a rather large car to compensate.  Apparently cars are an extension of a man's goods.  Whether that is true I don't know.  So men that have a Ford KA, will be extremely well endowed ;)

I am going to tell you about this bird deterrent that goes off every ten minutes at school.  It is especially loud when I have a French lesson because it's located on the roof, above the classroom.  It makes the sounds of different birds which are meant to scare off bids that have perched on the roof.  It's a bit like a scarecrow I suppose.  You can hear this sound way out on the field - it's really loud.  I can't help but laugh though every time it goes off.  Now when I say birds - I don't mean women.  I wouldn't mind if women climbed through the window during French lessons.  Speaking of French, have you seen that sky broadband advert where that French women says: "that's perverse!"  It made me laugh anyway.  I am preparing for a French oral at the moment, and it's about holidays which isn't too bad.  When I say oral, I don't mean "mouths and genitals."  Sorry readers, excuse my sexual innuendoes.        

It's Saturday, so relax and enjoy the time off.  If you are working, still find some time for yourself to chill out.  (This blog is not serious, so don't take it too seriously)  By the way, the title of this blog is not meant to be pompous!

Love from Goobs.

Who Let The Blogs Out? Goobs! Goobs! Goobs! Goobs!

It's April, fools!  Sorry readers; your not really fools, you are highly intelligent ;)  It's nice to see that it's sunny outside and lets hope that this lovely weather lasts.  It's also good that it's Friday - cue Rebecca Black.  Anyway, how is life everyone?  I was thinking in English today that perhaps my blog compilation would get a good creative writing mark.  In English we are analysing newspaper and media articles in preparation for the summer exams.  It a lousy task really.  

In the music world we can see the usual big hitters are up there in the top ten.  Lady Gaga's "Born this way" is a song I swear sounds just like an old Madonna song.  Kesha sings that provocative "blow" song.  I know where she got the inspiration for those lyrics ;)  Rihanna is in the charts too along with the sexy J-Lo who has released a sort of dance/pop single which is catchy.  Not only has she bagged a place judging on American Idol, she is making music as well.  Still, Cheryl Cole is slightly better looking in my opinion, although you may not agree with me readers.  I have been listening to the Arctic Monkeys recently on my ipod - and I get a sense of nostalgia because I saw them live in 2006 at Reading.  Their song "The view from the afternoon" is particularly good.  I am not a big fan though.

Shout out Stevo and Angelo (assonance, "O" sound).  Stevo will become the world's next best golfer or footballer.  However, hopefully he will be more sensible than Tiger Woods, whose golf bat rose a little too frequently ;)  Angelo still exuded coolness and wisdom.  I am unsure what career path you will choose, but I am sure you will be successful in life.  Alex Ostaccini is a quality artist and intellect. You are an academic individual and I can see you as a university professor one day.  Shane Sivagnanam wants to become a dentist, like me.

As it's the weekend there are sporting fixtures lined up to watch or Fifa to play, so have a good one.

Love from Goobs.