I have a photographic memory which was never developed

Hullo guys, its been a while since I last wrote and a lot has occurred since then.  I've just returned from a three day hike in the North Chilterns for DofE.  Overall it was quite a good experience, but the weather on Sunday was inclement to sat the least.  Six of us were following a pre-planned route, but it got the point where our hands were to cold to navigate, or even use a phone.  We eventually found cover from the downpour of rain, sleet, hail and snow in a toilet.  There we lost all hope and were looking depressed.  To be fair, it was colder than a polar bear's cock outside.  So eventually a policeman came and rolled down his window saying a woman had called saying a group had hypothermia.  He called re-enforcements and we were saved.  Apparently there was a fit policewoman, but I didn't see her.  That was the practice expedition, so if I can cope with that, the assessed shouldn't be too bad.  Next week I'm in Wales for a Geography trip, which should be good.  It makes a change to sixth form anyway.    

Aside from this, I am now working permanently at Tesco.  I do a Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.  Some of you will be saying I'm a crazy git for working those hours on top of studying, but it does make mean I'm not bored.  At the moment I'm paying 22% tax which is outrageous on a trolley boy's wages.  I can't wait for my new tax code and rebate whenever they will come.  Patience is a virtue and all that.  Pushing trolleys is a decent job actually, despite what you might think.  I regularly share jokes and we talk about football and stuff, and the whole thing is a joke really.  I was pushing a line of 26 trolleys the other week, which is too many, but I thought I could manage.  So I was plodding long, then suddenly this van reversed into me at speed, making a dent in the back.  Nothing came of it, but I need to be more sensible.  There's always some drama in that car park.  I get on with everyone too which helps.

I was on the bus this morning, and I got talking to this woman.  For some reason, I just couldn't understand a single word that was coming out of her tits.  Anyway, apparently J-Lo's nipple now has an official Twitter page. They should have made a Facebook page instead, so then we all could have poked it.  In the beginning, God created heaven and Earth.  After that everything else was made in China.

I'm sorry, that paragraph had nothing to do with anything, I just inserted it for entertainment.  General life is ok for me, just very busy.  I hope everything is good for you and your families.

Ta da,

- Mike

On a roll?

We are fast approaching the end of 2011 and I feel it's appropriate to end the year with a blog post.  It's Christmas time, and whilst it may be perceived "the most wonderful time of the year," for me it feels less exciting each year.  This is due to the childish awe and wonder I used to have about the possibility of a fat man in a red suit squeezing down the chimney to deliver presents.  Also, as a child you have no worries really, you're only concerned about what you may receive on Christmas day.

This year I have managed to find work over Christmas.  It's in Tesco and I push trollies.  Yeah, spectacular isn't it?  My shifts tend to last between 6-9 hours, and end around midnight.  I actually quite like the work though.  Its simple, straight forward and all the men I work with are funny and friendly.  The women are nice too ;)  One guy sings the song: "we're cleaning up other people's shit" which causes much amusement.  It's a boring job, but the pay is good and it means I'm not stuck in doors just lazing around.  However that's what we all want to do at this time of year.  Yeah, so my life is going quite well at the moment then; I'm on a roll.  Or am I?  Well in spite of finding work, I have been neglecting revision which is arguably more important because that will ensure I am not doing this kind of work all my life.  So how are you doing?

It's unfortunate that the true message of Christmas is sometimes lost behind the commercial hustle and bustle.  It would be nice if there was less emphasis on getting presents, because at the end of the day what really matters is family.

Modern Christmas songs don't seem to cut it really.  The classics are the ones we really enjoy and listen to year after year.  Everyone has their own personal favourite.  For me though, it has to be "Fairytale of New York."

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.  Make sure you have lots of fun, drink too much, tell many jokes and most importantly, make sure you relax.

- Mike

Priceless

We're well into October now, and judging by the weather alone, you couldn't really tell.  The weather has been mild on the whole.  This morning looks quite cold though.  Anyway, time seems to be going quickly; the weeks are flying by.  This coming week is the last week before half term.  As advertising tells us constantly, Christmas is coming and we have to do our shopping now.  It's the same every year.  We also have the Halloween stuff accumulating too on shop shelves.  I don't really care about Halloween though.  That aside, I actually quite like year 12.  I think I have grasped what needs to be done to get the best grades, and it's simply hard work.  Yesterday evening I was considering possible careers for the future. For a while now, I thought I wanted to be a dentist, but I have some doubts.  For one, to be a doctor or dentist you need to pass the UKCAT, which I don't want to have to prepare for etc.  What interests me now is the possibility of becoming an air traffic controller.  It would be quite fascinating to work at an airport I think, and there are good financial prospects too.

All of that is for the future and a bit pie in the sky.  I have been going to the gym more frequently now.  My aim is to be as fit, healthy and strong as possible and you need to balance exercise with study.  I have taken well to weights, and I always feel better when I come out of the gym.  You may not know this, but it makes sense: you don't get bigger on your workout days, but on your rest days.  This way, the muscle repairs and gets bigger after being torn.  It's true what they say, you get out what you put in!  This isn't gym related, but I recently received a remark result which went up thankfully.  It was in History and I was pleased.  I now have 6A*'s and 4A's.    

Have you noticed that some people buy music for the way the musician looks?  Take Cher Lloyd and Cheryl Cole for example, who are attractive, but the quality of their vocals are debatable.  Rihanna and Katy B seem to have the balance.  They are quite creative and make good songs.  Susan Boyle's success did somewhat change this, but it's certainly still a factor.  This is slightly off topic, but a few moths ago I got an email from a 33 year old woman saying she wants to start a relationship.  I found this rather odd, and it was probably a scam.  It was pretty funny though considering she is double my age.  It just shows you the array of stuff that ends up in your inbox!  

On the news we are constantly being told about the doom and gloom of life.  So here's something more light-hearted to get you laughing:

There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum With a colourful lack of restraint.  


I think I'll end it here for now.  Thanks for reading.


- Mike  

Sixth Form Porridge: Set Up For The Day?

Welcome back everyone!  I haven't done one of these in a while and people have suggested that I do one on the sixth form and the new school year.  As the new academic year commences, I have taken a step up in the school.  I am now, among many, a sixth former.  With this change comes greater responsibility, but also several "perks" or privileges.  I mean its not as relaxed as a college I supposed, but I believe I am receiving a good education.  I decided to take Biology, Chemistry, English and Geography.  I am sorry if you have read blogs and everyone is talking about the same thing, but I needed a basis to focus on.  Anyway, in case you didn't get the pun in today's title; porridge rhymes with college, and there are also other links with the humble cereal and schools.  Porridge is supposed to be very good for us and a great start to the day.  I didn't do food tech and I'm not a nutritionist, but I concur.  So how are you settling in?  You may be embarking on GCSE studies or entering employment.  Whatever it is, good luck with it!              

Human beings are social, and are designed to integrate.  A form of controversial communication people use these days is banter.  Banter can aid relationships, spark ideas and humour, however, and here is my point - I have been a bit overwhelmed with "ginger banter."  Nearly as overwhelmed as girls are about One Direction.  I'll give you some examples: "How can you tell when a redhead's been using a computer?  There are lipstick marks on the screen."  "What do you call a good looking man with red hair?  A hostage."   

There is also the obligatory "get back in the biscuit tin" line.  Anyway, since Ed Sheeran has come on the music scene this has ceased; mercifully.  I have to say though, his music is very good.  I don't own his album but the singles have been grand.  The bottom line is: what is the matter with being ginger?  He is, and many people respect him.  But I, and others, have experienced the various insults from yobs, like "ginger queer" or "ginger wanker."  To quote Facebook, it's one of those situations where it's all fun and games until...  It is quite funny really though ;) 

The football season is well under way and there is endless banter that can be shared about it.  I will begin with Arsenal.  Now lets put it this way, they waited for injury time to may any signings, and they were necessary!  This is a team who have lost two excellent players in Nasri and Fabregas.  Both Manchester teams have made sound progress so far and look like the favourites, but the season has a long way to go yet.  So yeah, now that sport is back on, we all have something to talk about I suppose, be it a mutual alliance or antipathy.  

I have done enough typing for now, and its time for bed.  

With kind regards,

- Mike      

It's me or the Blog...

It's been nearly two months since my last post, and well, I'm not quite sure why really.  Laziness maybe?  I feel it's simply not knowing what to say or what people want to read any more.  Anyway, today is supposed to be the happiest day of the year due to it being a Saturday, and in August - everyone's favourite month.  Have you enjoyed yourself today?  What did you get up to?

Since the last time I wrote, a fair amount has happened.  The end of year prom occurred for one.  In my opinion it was mediocre but nevertheless pleasant.  I also joined the gym.  I am really getting into my programme there and I do enjoy a challenge.  Despite this, I haven't been down for two weeks.  For one of the weeks I was in Devon.  I found the holiday lovely overall.  The weather was good and the beaches on the Devon coastline are stunning.  Nearly as stunning as Tamsin Egerton ;)  I even managed to burn/tan by lying on the beach; it's what I call an Irish tan.  My hair has gone blonder too. I returned home today, and I was wondering: why did my family settle down in the Slough area?  I mean even the name suggests it's a dump.       

After failing to find employment this summer despite applying to several places, I turned to selling clothes to increase my inflows.  It's been quite successful actually.  With the profits, I have bought a new watch, new shoes and a Burberry trench coat.  Still, it's frustrating not being able to find work.  At this rate the majority of school leavers will be claiming benefits which is a bigger drain on the economy than providing jobs for young people.  Perhaps apprenticeships are the way forward then.  Ok I'll stop now, every cloud and all that...

Other little things have happened here and there, but mainly the holidays have just been relaxing.  The only disconcerting feeling I have is the thought of results day later on this month.  I know exam results aren't the end of the world and life goes on, but they are important.  I know some of the exams didn't go too well for me.  So good luck to everyone, and if your not receiving results, then that's grand too.  I hope everyone thoroughly enjoys the remaining time off and I'll see you all again in September. 

- Mike

It's Been Raining Cats And Blogs Recently...

Well here we are; summer at last.  Well at least that's the theory.  The weather has been quite unpredictable -  raining one minute, then sunny the next.  It's as if it has bi-polar disorder.  Anyway, at least we have all finished exams though (albeit some of us have retakes) which means we can relax.  I am looking for work this summer and have applied to Tesco.  I haven't heard back from them yet, but it would be very convenient to get a job there as it's local.  So far though, I have been quite bored.  Most of the time I have been at home just lazing about really.

The Wimbledon season is well under way.  Hopeful Britons hope this will be Andy Murray's year, but you cannot bet against Nadal.  He is a formidable opponent, raked higher than Murray, but more importantly has won the tournament before and beaten all the top players.  I will look forward to see Maria Sharapova on court nevertheless ;)  It must be something about Russian women.  This tournament is the biggest in the tennis calendar and makes good viewing.  After all, I don't have much else to do.  How are you going to be spending the summer?

The football transfer market is open too.  Manchester United look to be big spenders this summer.  I feel that in the past the gaffer has bought players (like Bebe and Obertan) who have not really shown us their ability.  It could be a repeat performance of the class of 2005, where David Bellion and Eric Djemba-Djemba soon found themselves departing the club.  Well some say: "Nani has improved significantly.  Just give the new'uns time."  Nani was a £17 million pound player though.  So far United have signed Phil Jones and are seeking Ashley Young and David De Gea.

Last nights episode of The Apprentice was decent.  Leon was the fired candidate and I feel Lord Sugar made the correct decision.  Who do you think will win?  When the series began, I though Jim (the Northern Irish guy) was a main contender, but I am not sure now.  Much happens in an episode of Waterloo Road.  Every week a dramatic situation is thrown upon the viewers.  Funnily enough, after last week's episode; the fire alarm was set off by a pupil the day after the program at my mum's school which shows the influence the program has on people.  However, for the most part it just makes people feel better about their lives, as the majority of people are not teenage parents etc.  Made in Chelsea is OK too.  Monday's episode saw all the character's plans fail or backfire.      

I have bought lots of clothes over the past two months and several ties.  I don't mind spending money on clothes because it feels as if the money isn't being wasted.  For example you could spend £200 on a day out somewhere, but when the day is over, that's it.  I have ordered a pair of Timberland shoes online.  The question is, what will arrive sooner: Christmas or my Timberland's?  These delivery people do take their time.  Your probably sick of reading about this now, so I'll wrap it up.

I have heard some funny limericks in the last month.  Please excuse their irreverence and rudeness.   

There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina And her tits in a tree in Brazil   

There was a young Scotsman called Andy,

Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.

He lifted his kilt,

To wipe up what he spilt,

and the barmaid said "Blimey!, that's handy"  

Have a lovely summer everyone.

From Dr Goobs.  

           

The Apprentice: Your Attired!

Good morning people.  Look outside; it's a lovely morning and so revision will be all the more harder knowing everyone in my family is going out :/  Anyway, this is my 60th blog post, and then it dawned on me just how many posts I have churned out since mid February.  Since my last post (over two weeks ago), Cein has made a new blog.  Part of the reason I have not posted is that he has mentioned the new and innovative things in it.  Well, I'll stop with the excuses now.  After all, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley needs her fix of Mikesy's blog ;)

Barcelona have recently been crowned champions of Europe, much to the displeasure of Man Utd fans.  Still, Barcelona truly outclassed the English side and deserved to win.  They have formed a frankly astonishing team!  Sticking with Man Utd - Paul Scholes has retired!  Shocked?  I'm not.  He was a great player, but I think he left at a good point.  We know of his reckless and aggressive tackling, and like Gary Neville, you could see weaknesses in their game.  All of this aside, Munster beat Leinster!!  Sorry to all those living around Dublin, but it was a good win.  Back to football, Swansea have been promoted to the Premier League at the expense of Reading.  Now, because Reading are quite a local team, I wanted them to be promoted, but hey.  Andy Murray is ploughing on in the French Open in spite of his ankle injury.  So that's enough on sport for now.

I saw "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" in 3D on Monday.  I was quite pleased with it overall.  The main plot is Captain Jack and the crew are searching for the fountain of youth.  In this film, Keira Knightly is not present (don't cry now), and neither is Orlando Bloom.  Instead Penelope Cruz adapts to the role of a female pirate.  All the actors were on form, and Jack continues to amuse by saying things like: "writhing, writhing, incessant writhing!"  The reviews are a little mixed, but I enjoyed it - certainly more than the third one anyway.  Tonight will see The Apprentice on again.  This is a show I usually enjoy and I presume many of you watch it.  GQ magazine do a post every week commenting on how the contestants dress.  It's quite interesting really, for example it said "no" to the guys wearing lime green ties etc.  EastEnders is getting little better now.  Masood was right about Yusef all along, and despises the man because he seeks to steal his wife from him.  At the end of yesterdays episode, Masood and a vengeful Phil cornered him in the Arches.  Will there be a fight?  I think so.

I have thought up a Limerick myself:

There was once a man from Slough,
Who wanted to have sex right now,
His wife said "No!"
And her sister said "Go!"
So he had to have sex with a cow!

It's not great really, I'm sorry.  If you want to be really amused, just visit the Sikipedia website.
Next week I have six exams.  So good luck to everyone doing exams at this time.  I hope you can still enjoy half term though.

Yours sincerely,
Goobs.


  

You ain't nothing but a hound blog...

"They said you was high class, well that was just a lie."  Standard par there from Elvis.  What a "g."  I have been thinking recently about the legacy and indeed the present situation with rock music.  It all began really with Elvis in the 50's with rock and roll, where there was such excitement about seeing him sing.  He caught the world like a storm.  He starred in films and was good looking - as the women knew.  The Beatles revolutionised the way we listen to music today and their influence can be seen in many artists, most noticeably, Oasis.  My point in saying all this is that the spark of rock music is burning out.  Take Glastonbury for instance; a festival renowned for it's huge rock acts.  Well a few years ago Jay-Z headlined the event.  His music is good, he has some cracking lyrics too.  Still, usually I would much rather listen to Oasis on an off day, than him at his best.  Saying this, I do go through odd phases of liking a few random artists.  For example N-Dubz, where I liked there catchy singles.  The thing is though, now think about this; the music that stands the test of time is often rock music.  Music that sounds as fresh today as it did when it was released maybe twenty or thirty years ago.  I do like a variety of music though, it's just I have noticed this change particularly in rock.  Anyway, that aside, did you think Jude Law looked dapper at Cannes?  I did.  He is a man men love to hate, but he pulled off a tux well.  I have bought two silk ties to accompany my suits.  Hopefully I will have much success wearing them - pulling women ;D

Today I had two exams.  The English went well I think.  However the French was poor.  I wouldn't be surprised if I got 20/40 on that paper.  My dad re-assured me though that French "won't earn you money" and "don't worry, French is not your language."  How was the first day of public exams for you?  Good probably.  Or as Cein Hannan would put it, "grand."  There is your shout out, subtly done.

This weekend saw Manchester United win the Premier League.  It also released West Ham from its majestic grasp.  Don't you think it's awful that attempted attacks are repeatedly being tried on Neil Lennon, the Celtic manager?  There is clearly a fierce rivalry in Scotland still.  People need to move on.  History is history.  The Irish are discontented about the queen visiting the republic too.  Again, patriotic paddy's (plosive alliteration) are remembering when times weren't so stable.  This hatred was just, but not any more.  Lets not get BLOGGED down with all this.  Sorry if I am overdoing it with the puns.

I have heard another funny limerick, and well I haven't done one in a while so here it is:

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves

Likes to fondle the young men she loves.

She will use her bare fist

If the fellows insist

But she really prefers to wear gloves  

Good luck in the remainder of your exams people.

Yours sincerely, Goobs.  

  

Seven days without a pun makes one weak...

So, we've made it to the end of year 11.  It seems a little strange because I can clearly remember sitting in an assembly when the year began and staff telling us just how quickly the year would go.  They weren't lying.  If Concorde could represent a year, it would be year 11 :)  So now we just have to go in for exams and revise of course.  My compulsory education is finished, and that ladies and gentlemen is a mile stone.  From now on we have the choice of what to study or seek employment etc.  I have chosen English and I have been told I am foolish by some off my peers.  They're probably right.  But lets "roll with the punches."  Congratulations anyway everyone!          


We are in the thick of exams and revision at the moment,  or "rolling in the deep."  Lets hope we don't look back and say: "we could have had it all..."  I am happy with my coursework results in Geography and History, both of which were quite tricky to do well in.  I seem set up for the exams.  The final hurdle is my mentality and ability to remain cool through this period.  All of this aside, lets talk about TV for a second.  The new series of "The Apprentice" began on Tuesday.  What do you think?  I think that series is always a winner.  Lord Sugar helps add tension and depth to the program.  They manage to represent a positive aspect of business, and put aside some of the corporate façade.  Waterloo Road has also been re-introduced.  What I can say about it is that it's intense!  How do feel about wearing suits?  I have recently purchased two suits, but it's quite difficult them as you can imagine.  GQ magazine are always banging on about men releasing their sartorial side anyway.  


With the Premier League coming to an end soon, and Wimbledon beginning, there is plenty to watch in sport.   Is Lionel Messi unstoppable?  He will test Man Utd if he is in good form in the Champions League final.  Have you noticed that Man Utd tend to play Ji-sung Park in the "big" games?  It shows the influence he has.  Ok. that's enough on sport.  I recently discovered that Megan Fox models for Armani.  A reason to purchase their clothing?  I think so ;)  The premier for the new Pirates of the Caribbean film occurred yesterday.  No doubt there were women fainting as Johnny Depp passed.  I was unsatisfied with the last film though.  It was a bum numbing three hours and a little weak in terms of plot.  Well this one has Penelope Cruz and will be shown in 3D.  This summer will see the release of "Cowboys and Aliens" which features Daniel Craig.  Is it worth going to see, just for Olivia Wilde?  


I know there is much more I could comment on to do with school memorabilia, but I have written enough for now.  To end this blog, and indeed the school year I will share with you some school/subject related pun liners:


To write with a broken pencil is pointless.


When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.

The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.

When chemists die, we barium

Good luck everyone in the exams.  Before you know it, it'll be X-mas!  

Love for Michael Goober Price.

  

Is Utilitarian the new Sexy?

Are you sick of my corny puns?  If so, here is a more "bloggish" title.   If you are reading this with English analytical skills, you may even say that a question helps include and engage the reader.  Well whatever.  This question is a surprisingly interesting question to ponder on in the society we live in these days.  If you can utilise something, it means you might become fond of it.  You may not consider it "sexy," but nevertheless it's useful in your life.  However I believe the two go hand in hand.  Take "Apple" products for example.  The I-pad is unquestionably handsome, but it's also useful.  ("It can't make you a cup of tea though," as grandparents would say.)  I don't own one though.  The same pattern can be observed in the I-pod and many other gadgets.  The best combination would be a sexy looking car (like a Lamborghini) which was incredibly satisfying to drive - and reliable.  Items like cutlery and napkins serve a purpose, but they aren't sexy.  Still, the world is becoming increasingly picky about aesthetics and utilitarianism.  Progress has been made in the last 50 years then.  I thought I would just take your mind of the imminent exams briefly anyway.     

Today my bus was a little bit annoying.  I pressed the "stop" button three times, and the bus driver seemed ignorant to this.  I ended up being dropped up in Gerrards Cross town instead of where I wanted to be dropped.  Oh well, I got some exercise I suppose.  It is good for the old ticker.  I also received my citizenship card which is supposed to give a pittance of a reduction on items in certain Slough shops.  Who would want to shop in Slough!?  That's putting it candidly - it's useful I suppose ;)  We all know we have exams starting on Monday.  How well prepared are you?

In sport, and more specifically football; Manchester Untied seem destined to win the Premier League.  Liverpool won extremely comfortably last night against Fulham, 5-2. I am more happy about Wycombe Wanderers gaining promotion though.  You see, not a complete gloryhunter am I?  So as my academic year draws to a close, I have been pondering on my time in compulsory education.  It hasn't passed that quickly actually.  It's an important stage in my life of course though with exams and sixth form coming soon.  I hope my destiny is a rosy as Manchester United's then.

To everyone doing exams soon; I wish you the very best of luck.

Love from Inspector Goobs.          
 

Do you have the time, to listen to me whine? About nothing and everything all at once...

Well as the GCSE exams approach extremely rapidly, how are you coping with the pressure?  Anyway, I don't want to get bogged down with exams so lets look on the bright side.  It's Friday!  Also the weather is fine, but a little muggy don't you think?  I know we only had to soldier on for four days this week, but I am quite tired.  It's all the mock exams I suppose.  After school today I bought a Burberry shirt.  The main reason is that I clumsily stained one of my other "nice" shirts with butter, which is relentlessly sticking to it.  I know you might mock me for choosing Burberry because it used to be the preferred clothing line of chavs, but their clothes are fit.  I like to extend the range of designers I buy from too.  Oh, happy birthday to Adrian!  Have a great day man.   

I seem to have the case of writers blog.  The combination of not having enough time, not being arsed and not knowing what to write has got to me.  I was going to call this entry "The princess and the blog" but that didn't quite cut it.  Instead I chose some Green day lyrics.  Actually, thinking about it now that title may have been appropriate after the royal wedding.  Oh, have you noticed Kate Middleton's buff sister Pippa?  She was helping carry Kate's dress at the wedding I think.  Anyway her bottom has caused a stir in the media and indeed has raised the attention of the nation.  I was reading an article in the daily mail the other day, which was dedicated to her bottom mostly and also the factual stuff of course.  With Osama Bin Laden's death on Monday too, we have had a lot to digest.  Here's my theory anyway.  I feel Al-Qaeda may retaliate but very surreptitiously.  So this is not the end of terrorism unfortunately.  But it's a step forward.

There is a true two horse race in the Premier League battle this year.  Man Utd have left it very late.  They should have one it by now, but Chelsea have clawed back the points and reeled in an increasingly distant campaign for them until recently.  Who knows what will happen.  The match this weekend will be telling though.  Apparently Andy Murray was knocked out of the Madrid Open.  Perhaps he will reserve his best form for Wimbledon, where many Britons will put their hopes on his shoulders.  The media keep bringing up the statistic about the last British player to win it being Fred Perry in 1933 (that's off the top of my head, don't quote me).  Well, lets see what happens.

I haven't found a decent limerick to share with you and I am sure you are saturated with the endless Bin Laden jokes.  So have a nice weekend everyone.

Love from Mick.       

An Inspector's "Squiffy" Balls...

Well here I am, 16 years old already.  I was thinking about the changes one acknowledges when they turn 16, such as being able to work and join gyms etc.  It's actually quite a "big" birthday in a way then.  Today I went into London and had a great time walking around Chelsea and Knightsbridge where I bought a suit and some shirts.  I seemed to have acquired a designer wardrobe.  The weather was lovely too, which helped raise morale.  My profile picture shows me standing next to a gorgeous Lamborghini.  It is a nice picture, but I so wish that it was mine.  Now that is a car with real presence.  You could even call it art, if you were Jeremy Clarkson anyway.  


The pomp and pageantry of the royal wedding was shown yesterday.  The nation and indeed much of the planet saw Prince William marry the beautiful Kate Middleton.  I said to myself beforehand: "Michael, don't watch it!"  Inevitably though, I did.  If anything, I got to see Kate Middleton and her sister gracing Westminster ;)  What did you think of the occasion?  Is this a step forward for the monarchy?  Anyway, women all over the country are pining for Prince Harry now.  He is a good looking lad I suppose, and he's ginger.  Some party poopers have blamed the BBC for being obsequious and forning though.


The world of sport is all go at the moment.  Chelsea beat Tottenham today, in what will be an important three points for them.  In snooker, the young Judd Trump beat Ding in the semi final of the World Championships.  I enjoy watching snooker, I find it relaxing.  Wycombe Wanderers won today which I am really pleased about.  This could see them gain promotion to League 1 then.  Ben Strevens you beast!  Finally ending your goal drought.  


I heard this amusing Limerick recently, so see what you think:

There was a young gigolo named Bruno

Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.

While women are fine,

And sheep are divine,

Llama's are numero uno!"

I hope you all have a lovely Sunday and bank holiday Monday.  Chill out (unless you have exams that is).

Love from Goobs.   

             

Easter Bunny > Playboy Bunny...

Happy Easter everyone!  It seems that the man upstairs has blessed us with lovely weather to mark the occasion.  So how is your Easter going?  Good I hope.  I spent it with my family which is right I think.  So, at least at Easter, the Easter bunny is more significant than playboy bunnies.  However, Hugh Hefner might not agree.  As we are not children any more, I suppose we lose the excitable feeling on Easter of receiving many chocolate eggs.  Then come activities like Easter egg hunts etc.  It's a fun time for children then.  I hope to enjoy today and tomorrow relaxing and then go back for Wednesday and Thursday for a two day week in school.

There have been some significant sporting fixtures recently too.  For Arsenal fans, yesterday ended their title winning hopes.  Bolton beat them 2-1.  I feel that Arsenal certainly have the talent, but they are just inconsistent.  Still, Chelsea are still in the title race with six points behind Man Utd after beating West Ham 3-0.  A late Javier Hernandez goal saw Man Utd secure a vital three points at Everton.  I feel Man Utd should just win it still.  Speaking of Man Utd, yesterday there was a remarkable film about the Busby Babes which was poignant and moving - very good though (called "United").  I feel that as a result of the disastrous plane crash in Munich, 1958, the Man Utd fan base support grew and grew.  It was a tragedy, but still, Man Utd are a great team today. The snooker is on, and well, some of it has been quite entertaining, whilst other matches have been like watching paint dry.  That's enough on sport I think.  I am keen not to offend Arsenal fans.  Anyway, with a royal wedding this Friday, what will you be doing?  Watching it?  I probably won't.  I could end up revising that day at this rate.

Here's a joke I heard recently.
What did Nicole Scherzinger say when she was leaving a glamour model agency?
"If you think I'm coming back, don't hold your bre-easts!"
It made me laugh the first time I heard it.

In the movie Kalifornia, Brad Pitt, out of the blue starting singing this amusing rhyme:
Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble too and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder, like a continental soldier?
Do your balls. Hang. Low?

Funny eh?  It's a lovely morning out, so get out and enjoy it.  Enjoy what's left of your holiday and bear in mind the two days off we have soon.

Love from Pricey.

Blog the Builder...

The surprisingly good weather we have had this April is set to continue - well at least for this week into the Easter weekend.  Usually one associates April with showers, but we have had very little rainfall this year really.  To take advantage of this weather, I decided to go to Wendover Woods today.  It's a lovely forest which has the highest point of the Chiltern Hills.  It's almost like being up a mountain, where there are spectacular views.  I would recommend going if you get the chance.  It makes a nice change to revising anyway.  It's pleasant just relaxing in a restaurant in the sunshine.  I hope the weather remains like this for my birthday next week. 


The World Champion Snooker season has begun.  I quite like watching snooker, and I realise that sometimes it's incredibly boring.  My favourite player is Ronnie O'Sullivan.  Away from the snooker - in football it seems likely that Manchester United will win the Premier League then.  Still, do you feel that football players are ridiculously over-payed for kicking a ball around every week?  Munster continue to succeed in the rugby too.  Elsewhere in TV, EastEnders have finally concluded the baby swap storyline.  They were playing on that for about four months.  I was watching Hollyoaks today for the first time in several years and it seems not much has changed.  Warren is still the don or the "Phil Mitchell" of Cheshire.


There isn't much else to mention at the moment, so I will leave with a limerick.


There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who protested she lacked sexual feeling,
til a cynic named Boris,
Licked her Clitoris,
And left her legless and squealing.


Sorry people, that is a rude one but it mentions Ealing which is where I spent some of my childhood so I used it.  Have a grand week everyone.


Love from Pricey.

                

David N'Blog and Mario Spaghetti walking a Bullblog...

Now that Liverpool have purchased Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, there will be few opportunities for David N'gog to play for Liverpool up front.  He will become good friends with the substitute bench then, where he should find Mario Balotelli sitting there.  I feel that since Mario has joined Man City, he has not shown his ability.  They both will have time to walk their dogs then (hypothetical situation relating to the blog title).  I am also a little annoyed with City because they beat Man Utd today in the FA Cup.  Oh well, every cloud and all that.  At least Wycombe didn't lose - they drew which is better than nothing.  I really hope they get promoted.  


I have produced a revision schedule that is being implemented this Easter.  In between this revision during my free time, I have watched a few very good movies lately.  Yesterday I watched "Pulp Fiction" which must be a classic.  If you haven't seen it, watch it.  Directed by Quinton Tarantino; the cast is star studded and it just works.  It has Uma Therman in it and Jeremy Clarkson gave her a good description once: "... perfect but you can't explain why."  Another good film is "Taken" with Liam Neeson.  It is very gripping and quite tense - it makes a good thriller.  I have been making an effort with the revision though, especially now, when my exams start in one months time.  I will try to remain cool, calm and collected though (tri-colon).  For Christians, tomorrow is passion/palm Sunday.  The readings in the coming week will help with our RE exam actually - Jesus' suffering, death and resurrection.             


Now to my limerick and joke.  People of my age still find flatulence quite funny.  So here is a joke and limerick about farting.  


There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"


Girl: "Urghh, why did you fart on my face?
Boy: "Don't worry, that's just my bum giving you a kiss."


Have a nice Easter everyone,


Love from Goober.

Inglorious Blogsterds...

Today I realised what a dump Uxbridge is really.  I cycled there and chained up my bike, but didn't really feel content leaving it because it's quite a "rough" area.  Nothing happened to it - it's just psychology.  Anyway, there is nothing to do there so I wasted my time.  I don't really know what to do with myself at the moment, apart form revising.  Any suggestions?  Oh and no, Jennifer Metcalfe couldn't tutor me, she is too busy ;)

I was thinking today about when EastEnders used to be good.  Like with most TV, it's most interesting when there is a threatening villain keeping everyone on their toes.  Characters such as "Dirty Den," "Nick Cotton" and the Mitchell brothers fit this role well.  However as of late, the program has worsened.  They play on one particular storyline for ages.  Now to reality.  Tottenham were destroyed by Real Madrid yesterday, where their goalkeeper, Gomes let in a sloppy goal.  I felt a little sorry for them in some respects.  I am pleased that Wycombe Wanderers are in third place of league 2 though.  I hope they will be promoted.    

Now I will share a limerick and a joke with you.  

There once was a man from East Kent 

Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double 

And instead of coming...he went        

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
Because his pecker is on his head!

Love from Goobs.  

Sex, Blogs and Rock and Roll...

Well, I have finally broken up for Easter.  After a long 14 week spring term, I think we all deserve a break.  Today was a pretty random sort of day.  I didn't really know what to do with myself.  In the end I went out cycling despite not really being in the mood.  When cycling, I wear this fluorescent jacket which says "MLP construction Ltd" on the back.  I find it quite funny because I can pretend I am a builder, or even funnier, say that the company name is an abbreviation of Michael Lawrence Price construction.  My middle name is not Lawrence though.  I felt I would spend the first day of the holidays to myself, and the rest revising unfortunately.  What a depressing prospect.  If only I had a sexy tutor to help me revise because it's hard to get motivated to do some work.

With the royal wedding soon approaching, newspapers tend to include articles about the couple.  The prince has done quite well for himself I suppose, bagging someone fit like her.  However, he won't be able to do anything outrageous with her being in the royal family; so instead of "sex, drugs and rock and roll," it will be more "chess, rugs and Swiss roll."  Saying that, they have a whole castle to get up to no good ;)  That's enough on them for now.  I will mention Manchester United's victory against Chelsea in the Champions League now.  So: "...the reds go marching on, on, on."  It just shows you that despite the money Chelsea have spent (ehem TORRES), it's the actual way the team plays together that matters.  It seems much less likely that Spurs will progress though, considering their heavy defeat to Madrid last time.

The news includes depressing stories such as inflation being 4% and the like.  So being the light hearted blog this is, I will give you a joke and a limerick to cheer you up.  It won't do your wallets a favour though.

Boy: Do you like parties?
Girl: Yes, why?
Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

(bad joke, I know)

There once was a man from Fort Myers,
who wrapped his balls up in wire,
he flicked on the switch,
and oh what a bitch,
his balls began to catch fire.

Written by Goober for the Blog Express.  

      

Kellblog's Cornflakes, Yule Blog and Egg Blog...

As you can see, I am finding it hard to create blog puns now.  I have used up most of the best ones, so now I am trying my best to find new ones, but it's not easy.  Today was a nice day (despite being in school) because we got to come in our own sports wear, which is comfortable of course.  The reason being because we had to participate in "Lenten sports" for charity.  At least the weather was nice then.  On the contrary, I was told by a member of staff today that the only days to have "off" this Easter are Good Friday and Easter Sunday due to revision.  Like that's going to happen ;)  I should do that though.  This part of the blog is very much focused on school life.  If your not a member of my school than it may be irrelevant, but read on.

I was asked by a girl what "my favourite hair type was on a girl."  Eager not to offend her (as she was a brunette) and be diplomatic, I said I like all three colours: blonde, brown and red.  However I have noticed that red headed girls are generally attractive, possibly because you don't see too many around.  I don't have a favourite type in truth.  She then asked about chat up lines, and I said they are a bit cheesy.  However, one I heard recently is quite amusing: "Is that a ladder on your tights love?  Because it looks like a stairway to heaven."  When asked these probing questions, I don't know what the "right" answers are really.  Clearly, because I never saw her again.

Now I am going to give you a joke and a limerick for the day because some people said it's a good idea.  Don't worry, I won't make it to regular, but it's a novelty at the moment.


Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.


There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass


Laughing out loud?  If not, you don't have to read any more because I am finished.  Have a good week everyone.


Love from Goobs.
            

Blog Marley in a Synablog...

Well wasn't today another nice day?  The sun was out, and I got off my arse and went out walking and cycling.  However, apparently this glorious weather will not last all week - typical England.  Whilst I was out enjoying the day, I felt a little guilty for not giving some people shout outs after they asked me to.  So - Olz Brookling, I have heard you have passed your driving test!  Congratulations!  Were the forms signed in crayon ;) ?  Just joking Olz.  You will drive a nice motor one day, perhaps a Ferrari.  Chico U'chong will become the next greatest rugby player.  One day, he will be the next Ronan O'gara and will be the player winning the points and gaining media attention.  If I haven't mentioned you, then I apologise.  However I need to enforce my shout out rates soon.

I was watching a Top Gear episode quite recently where the guest star was Sienna Miller.  Well Jeremy Clarkson was impressed.  She is rather peng by any standards.  Do you remember seeing her in "Layer Cake" with Daniel Craig?  It's rather provocative.  Speaking of Top Gear, why do Dave play all their old episodes back to back day after day?  The same old episodes.  They can be entertaining though.  A program that somebody told me to watch is "the only way is Essex" which I didn't think I would like, but it's OK.  That aside, I am pleased that Munster are top of the League; and by a comfortable margin.        

As a lot of my family are from Limerick, Ireland; I am going to leave you with an amusing limerick.

                                                  There Once was a Man called Reg

                                                   Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge

                                                             Along came his wife

                                                         With a big Carving Knife

                                                  And cut off his meat and two veg 

I hope everyone enjoys the coming week.

Love from Goobs.

One Man and his Blog...

It's the weekend and it's sunny!  This means that instead of being cooped up inside, most of us go out and enjoy the lovely weather.  Today I was in Marlow, which is a nice "chocolate-box" town along the River Thames.  I feel that it's a fine temperature at the moment.  Anyway, this means that many girls have gone out displaying their legs ;)  In that town though, they all wear Jack Wills and look a bit of a "much-of-a-muchness"  To remain non-sexist, I saw topless men too which is not as appealing though.  Men walk with swagger, ignorant to the fact that their ale guts are wobbling and their hairy chests are on display.  I was mooching around and then I thought - Angelo Costa asked for a shout out yesterday.  I can imagine Angelo being the star of "Top Gun," where he wears sunglasses, rides bikes and flies planes.  He is the sort of cool person who could replace Tom Cruise or Dappy from N-Dubz.  As for me, perhaps I would be more suited to "Top Bun" because I like food and am not good at drama.  As for this blog post title, I was considering: "one man and his blog, went to blow a fellow (female)."  Then I realised, it was a bit too overly-sexual, but amusing.

I am a little bit annoyed that our school continue until next Tuesday before breaking up for the Easter holidays.  Anyway, what is more annoying is that we are forced to participate in primary school sports day type activities on Monday, like the egg and spoon race etc.  That aside, I was listening to Snoop Dog's "sweat" song today, and thought of what a sleaze bag he is.  I find him a little bit creepy, but girls, does he make you sweat?  Is he that attractive?

I am pleased that Man Utd beat Fulham 2-0 today to open up a ten point lead.  However Arsenal have a game in hand, but if they sit on their "Arses" they won't win the Premier League.  I am not too interested in horse racing or gambling, so the Grand National doesn't mean much to me, but it might to you.

I hope you have had a nice weekend so far.

Love from Goobs.