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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

I have a photographic memory which was never developed

Hullo guys, its been a while since I last wrote and a lot has occurred since then.  I've just returned from a three day hike in the North Chilterns for DofE.  Overall it was quite a good experience, but the weather on Sunday was inclement to sat the least.  Six of us were following a pre-planned route, but it got the point where our hands were to cold to navigate, or even use a phone.  We eventually found cover from the downpour of rain, sleet, hail and snow in a toilet.  There we lost all hope and were looking depressed.  To be fair, it was colder than a polar bear's cock outside.  So eventually a policeman came and rolled down his window saying a woman had called saying a group had hypothermia.  He called re-enforcements and we were saved.  Apparently there was a fit policewoman, but I didn't see her.  That was the practice expedition, so if I can cope with that, the assessed shouldn't be too bad.  Next week I'm in Wales for a Geography trip, which should be good.  It makes a change to sixth form anyway.    

Aside from this, I am now working permanently at Tesco.  I do a Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.  Some of you will be saying I'm a crazy git for working those hours on top of studying, but it does make mean I'm not bored.  At the moment I'm paying 22% tax which is outrageous on a trolley boy's wages.  I can't wait for my new tax code and rebate whenever they will come.  Patience is a virtue and all that.  Pushing trolleys is a decent job actually, despite what you might think.  I regularly share jokes and we talk about football and stuff, and the whole thing is a joke really.  I was pushing a line of 26 trolleys the other week, which is too many, but I thought I could manage.  So I was plodding long, then suddenly this van reversed into me at speed, making a dent in the back.  Nothing came of it, but I need to be more sensible.  There's always some drama in that car park.  I get on with everyone too which helps.

I was on the bus this morning, and I got talking to this woman.  For some reason, I just couldn't understand a single word that was coming out of her tits.  Anyway, apparently J-Lo's nipple now has an official Twitter page. They should have made a Facebook page instead, so then we all could have poked it.  In the beginning, God created heaven and Earth.  After that everything else was made in China.

I'm sorry, that paragraph had nothing to do with anything, I just inserted it for entertainment.  General life is ok for me, just very busy.  I hope everything is good for you and your families.

Ta da,

- Mike

Thursday, 22 December 2011

On a roll?

We are fast approaching the end of 2011 and I feel it's appropriate to end the year with a blog post.  It's Christmas time, and whilst it may be perceived "the most wonderful time of the year," for me it feels less exciting each year.  This is due to the childish awe and wonder I used to have about the possibility of a fat man in a red suit squeezing down the chimney to deliver presents.  Also, as a child you have no worries really, you're only concerned about what you may receive on Christmas day.

This year I have managed to find work over Christmas.  It's in Tesco and I push trollies.  Yeah, spectacular isn't it?  My shifts tend to last between 6-9 hours, and end around midnight.  I actually quite like the work though.  Its simple, straight forward and all the men I work with are funny and friendly.  The women are nice too ;)  One guy sings the song: "we're cleaning up other people's shit" which causes much amusement.  It's a boring job, but the pay is good and it means I'm not stuck in doors just lazing around.  However that's what we all want to do at this time of year.  Yeah, so my life is going quite well at the moment then; I'm on a roll.  Or am I?  Well in spite of finding work, I have been neglecting revision which is arguably more important because that will ensure I am not doing this kind of work all my life.  So how are you doing?

It's unfortunate that the true message of Christmas is sometimes lost behind the commercial hustle and bustle.  It would be nice if there was less emphasis on getting presents, because at the end of the day what really matters is family.

Modern Christmas songs don't seem to cut it really.  The classics are the ones we really enjoy and listen to year after year.  Everyone has their own personal favourite.  For me though, it has to be "Fairytale of New York."

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.  Make sure you have lots of fun, drink too much, tell many jokes and most importantly, make sure you relax.

- Mike

Saturday, 15 October 2011


We're well into October now, and judging by the weather alone, you couldn't really tell.  The weather has been mild on the whole.  This morning looks quite cold though.  Anyway, time seems to be going quickly; the weeks are flying by.  This coming week is the last week before half term.  As advertising tells us constantly, Christmas is coming and we have to do our shopping now.  It's the same every year.  We also have the Halloween stuff accumulating too on shop shelves.  I don't really care about Halloween though.  That aside, I actually quite like year 12.  I think I have grasped what needs to be done to get the best grades, and it's simply hard work.  Yesterday evening I was considering possible careers for the future. For a while now, I thought I wanted to be a dentist, but I have some doubts.  For one, to be a doctor or dentist you need to pass the UKCAT, which I don't want to have to prepare for etc.  What interests me now is the possibility of becoming an air traffic controller.  It would be quite fascinating to work at an airport I think, and there are good financial prospects too.

All of that is for the future and a bit pie in the sky.  I have been going to the gym more frequently now.  My aim is to be as fit, healthy and strong as possible and you need to balance exercise with study.  I have taken well to weights, and I always feel better when I come out of the gym.  You may not know this, but it makes sense: you don't get bigger on your workout days, but on your rest days.  This way, the muscle repairs and gets bigger after being torn.  It's true what they say, you get out what you put in!  This isn't gym related, but I recently received a remark result which went up thankfully.  It was in History and I was pleased.  I now have 6A*'s and 4A's.    

Have you noticed that some people buy music for the way the musician looks?  Take Cher Lloyd and Cheryl Cole for example, who are attractive, but the quality of their vocals are debatable.  Rihanna and Katy B seem to have the balance.  They are quite creative and make good songs.  Susan Boyle's success did somewhat change this, but it's certainly still a factor.  This is slightly off topic, but a few moths ago I got an email from a 33 year old woman saying she wants to start a relationship.  I found this rather odd, and it was probably a scam.  It was pretty funny though considering she is double my age.  It just shows you the array of stuff that ends up in your inbox!  

On the news we are constantly being told about the doom and gloom of life.  So here's something more light-hearted to get you laughing:

There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum 
With a colourful lack of restraint.  

I think I'll end it here for now.  Thanks for reading.

- Mike  

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Sixth Form Porridge: Set Up For The Day?

Welcome back everyone!  I haven't done one of these in a while and people have suggested that I do one on the sixth form and the new school year.  As the new academic year commences, I have taken a step up in the school.  I am now, among many, a sixth former.  With this change comes greater responsibility, but also several "perks" or privileges.  I mean its not as relaxed as a college I supposed, but I believe I am receiving a good education.  I decided to take Biology, Chemistry, English and Geography.  I am sorry if you have read blogs and everyone is talking about the same thing, but I needed a basis to focus on.  Anyway, in case you didn't get the pun in today's title; porridge rhymes with college, and there are also other links with the humble cereal and schools.  Porridge is supposed to be very good for us and a great start to the day.  I didn't do food tech and I'm not a nutritionist, but I concur.  So how are you settling in?  You may be embarking on GCSE studies or entering employment.  Whatever it is, good luck with it!              

Human beings are social, and are designed to integrate.  A form of controversial communication people use these days is banter.  Banter can aid relationships, spark ideas and humour, however, and here is my point - I have been a bit overwhelmed with "ginger banter."  Nearly as overwhelmed as girls are about One Direction.  I'll give you some examples: "How can you tell when a redhead's been using a computer?  There are lipstick marks on the screen."  "What do you call a good looking man with red hair?  A hostage."   

There is also the obligatory "get back in the biscuit tin" line.  Anyway, since Ed Sheeran has come on the music scene this has ceased; mercifully.  I have to say though, his music is very good.  I don't own his album but the singles have been grand.  The bottom line is: what is the matter with being ginger?  He is, and many people respect him.  But I, and others, have experienced the various insults from yobs, like "ginger queer" or "ginger wanker."  To quote Facebook, it's one of those situations where it's all fun and games until...  It is quite funny really though ;) 

The football season is well under way and there is endless banter that can be shared about it.  I will begin with Arsenal.  Now lets put it this way, they waited for injury time to may any signings, and they were necessary!  This is a team who have lost two excellent players in Nasri and Fabregas.  Both Manchester teams have made sound progress so far and look like the favourites, but the season has a long way to go yet.  So yeah, now that sport is back on, we all have something to talk about I suppose, be it a mutual alliance or antipathy.  

I have done enough typing for now, and its time for bed.  

With kind regards,

- Mike      

Saturday, 6 August 2011

It's me or the Blog...

It's been nearly two months since my last post, and well, I'm not quite sure why really.  Laziness maybe?  I feel it's simply not knowing what to say or what people want to read any more.  Anyway, today is supposed to be the happiest day of the year due to it being a Saturday, and in August - everyone's favourite month.  Have you enjoyed yourself today?  What did you get up to?

Since the last time I wrote, a fair amount has happened.  The end of year prom occurred for one.  In my opinion it was mediocre but nevertheless pleasant.  I also joined the gym.  I am really getting into my programme there and I do enjoy a challenge.  Despite this, I haven't been down for two weeks.  For one of the weeks I was in Devon.  I found the holiday lovely overall.  The weather was good and the beaches on the Devon coastline are stunning.  Nearly as stunning as Tamsin Egerton ;)  I even managed to burn/tan by lying on the beach; it's what I call an Irish tan.  My hair has gone blonder too. I returned home today, and I was wondering: why did my family settle down in the Slough area?  I mean even the name suggests it's a dump.       

After failing to find employment this summer despite applying to several places, I turned to selling clothes to increase my inflows.  It's been quite successful actually.  With the profits, I have bought a new watch, new shoes and a Burberry trench coat.  Still, it's frustrating not being able to find work.  At this rate the majority of school leavers will be claiming benefits which is a bigger drain on the economy than providing jobs for young people.  Perhaps apprenticeships are the way forward then.  Ok I'll stop now, every cloud and all that...

Other little things have happened here and there, but mainly the holidays have just been relaxing.  The only disconcerting feeling I have is the thought of results day later on this month.  I know exam results aren't the end of the world and life goes on, but they are important.  I know some of the exams didn't go too well for me.  So good luck to everyone, and if your not receiving results, then that's grand too.  I hope everyone thoroughly enjoys the remaining time off and I'll see you all again in September. 

- Mike

Thursday, 23 June 2011

It's Been Raining Cats And Blogs Recently...

Well here we are; summer at last.  Well at least that's the theory.  The weather has been quite unpredictable -  raining one minute, then sunny the next.  It's as if it has bi-polar disorder.  Anyway, at least we have all finished exams though (albeit some of us have retakes) which means we can relax.  I am looking for work this summer and have applied to Tesco.  I haven't heard back from them yet, but it would be very convenient to get a job there as it's local.  So far though, I have been quite bored.  Most of the time I have been at home just lazing about really.

The Wimbledon season is well under way.  Hopeful Britons hope this will be Andy Murray's year, but you cannot bet against Nadal.  He is a formidable opponent, raked higher than Murray, but more importantly has won the tournament before and beaten all the top players.  I will look forward to see Maria Sharapova on court nevertheless ;)  It must be something about Russian women.  This tournament is the biggest in the tennis calendar and makes good viewing.  After all, I don't have much else to do.  How are you going to be spending the summer?

The football transfer market is open too.  Manchester United look to be big spenders this summer.  I feel that in the past the gaffer has bought players (like Bebe and Obertan) who have not really shown us their ability.  It could be a repeat performance of the class of 2005, where David Bellion and Eric Djemba-Djemba soon found themselves departing the club.  Well some say: "Nani has improved significantly.  Just give the new'uns time."  Nani was a £17 million pound player though.  So far United have signed Phil Jones and are seeking Ashley Young and David De Gea.

Last nights episode of The Apprentice was decent.  Leon was the fired candidate and I feel Lord Sugar made the correct decision.  Who do you think will win?  When the series began, I though Jim (the Northern Irish guy) was a main contender, but I am not sure now.  Much happens in an episode of Waterloo Road.  Every week a dramatic situation is thrown upon the viewers.  Funnily enough, after last week's episode; the fire alarm was set off by a pupil the day after the program at my mum's school which shows the influence the program has on people.  However, for the most part it just makes people feel better about their lives, as the majority of people are not teenage parents etc.  Made in Chelsea is OK too.  Monday's episode saw all the character's plans fail or backfire.      

I have bought lots of clothes over the past two months and several ties.  I don't mind spending money on clothes because it feels as if the money isn't being wasted.  For example you could spend £200 on a day out somewhere, but when the day is over, that's it.  I have ordered a pair of Timberland shoes online.  The question is, what will arrive sooner: Christmas or my Timberland's?  These delivery people do take their time.  Your probably sick of reading about this now, so I'll wrap it up.

I have heard some funny limericks in the last month.  Please excuse their irreverence and rudeness.   

There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina 
And her tits in a tree in Brazil   

There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,
To wipe up what he spilt,
and the barmaid said "Blimey!, that's handy"  

Have a lovely summer everyone.

From Dr Goobs.  


Wednesday, 1 June 2011

The Apprentice: Your Attired!

Good morning people.  Look outside; it's a lovely morning and so revision will be all the more harder knowing everyone in my family is going out :/  Anyway, this is my 60th blog post, and then it dawned on me just how many posts I have churned out since mid February.  Since my last post (over two weeks ago), Cein has made a new blog.  Part of the reason I have not posted is that he has mentioned the new and innovative things in it.  Well, I'll stop with the excuses now.  After all, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley needs her fix of Mikesy's blog ;)

Barcelona have recently been crowned champions of Europe, much to the displeasure of Man Utd fans.  Still, Barcelona truly outclassed the English side and deserved to win.  They have formed a frankly astonishing team!  Sticking with Man Utd - Paul Scholes has retired!  Shocked?  I'm not.  He was a great player, but I think he left at a good point.  We know of his reckless and aggressive tackling, and like Gary Neville, you could see weaknesses in their game.  All of this aside, Munster beat Leinster!!  Sorry to all those living around Dublin, but it was a good win.  Back to football, Swansea have been promoted to the Premier League at the expense of Reading.  Now, because Reading are quite a local team, I wanted them to be promoted, but hey.  Andy Murray is ploughing on in the French Open in spite of his ankle injury.  So that's enough on sport for now.

I saw "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" in 3D on Monday.  I was quite pleased with it overall.  The main plot is Captain Jack and the crew are searching for the fountain of youth.  In this film, Keira Knightly is not present (don't cry now), and neither is Orlando Bloom.  Instead Penelope Cruz adapts to the role of a female pirate.  All the actors were on form, and Jack continues to amuse by saying things like: "writhing, writhing, incessant writhing!"  The reviews are a little mixed, but I enjoyed it - certainly more than the third one anyway.  Tonight will see The Apprentice on again.  This is a show I usually enjoy and I presume many of you watch it.  GQ magazine do a post every week commenting on how the contestants dress.  It's quite interesting really, for example it said "no" to the guys wearing lime green ties etc.  EastEnders is getting little better now.  Masood was right about Yusef all along, and despises the man because he seeks to steal his wife from him.  At the end of yesterdays episode, Masood and a vengeful Phil cornered him in the Arches.  Will there be a fight?  I think so.

I have thought up a Limerick myself:

There was once a man from Slough,
Who wanted to have sex right now,
His wife said "No!"
And her sister said "Go!"
So he had to have sex with a cow!

It's not great really, I'm sorry.  If you want to be really amused, just visit the Sikipedia website.
Next week I have six exams.  So good luck to everyone doing exams at this time.  I hope you can still enjoy half term though.

Yours sincerely,